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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26374837">danger, danger! high voltage!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/txbris/pseuds/txbris'>txbris</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Ferdinand knows that Hubert loves him, Hubert's love language is threatening to curse people, I give Byleth a personality, I haven't actually played BE yet so I'm winging it, Light-Hearted, M/M, more of a focus on humour than romance, no beta we die like Glenn, set both pre and post timeskip, weaponised caterpillars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:48:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26374837</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/txbris/pseuds/txbris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I believe Rhea is abusing her powers as head of the church," Hubert said smoothly. "She seems far too willing to simply assassinate anyone who doesn't wish to follow her own plans."</p>
  <p>To Hubert's relief, Ferdinand nodded sagely. "I can see that, yes. We have had to kill an unusually high amount of our classmates' relatives this year. Although that's not to say that we usually kill our classmates' relatives. So really, just a single killing of any of our classmates' relatives is an unusual amount."</p>
</blockquote>Hubert is suspicious of Byleth's attempts to become better friends with Edelgard. Ferdinand watches from the sidelines with a tub of Garreg Mach(TM) popcorn.
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth, Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>146</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>danger, danger! high voltage!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CypherZero/gifts">CypherZero</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I absolutely couldn't think of a better title.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hubert, what on the Goddess' green earth are you doing in a hedge?"</p><p>What Hubert von Vestra was doing in a hedge was, quite frankly, none of Ferdinand von Aegir's business, but if he didn't stop with his blathering then he would blow Hubert's cover, so Hubert said nothing and instead pulled his dearly detested down into the hedge with him.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Ferdinand continued, oblivious to Hubert's need for stealth. "Ooh, are you partaking in some espionage? I can help you! The von Aegirs are well known for their skills in-"</p><p>Hubert slapped one hand over Ferdinand's mouth.</p><p>"Silence," he hissed.</p><p>Through a small gap that Hubert had expertly cut into the hedgerow, the two of them had the perfect vantage point to spy on their professor Byleth and house leader Edelgard von Hresvelg sharing a cup of tea together.</p><p>"Ah!" Ferdinand said through Hubert's hand, still entirely too loud for Hubert's liking. "You're keeping an eye on our professor and Edelgard?"</p><p>"Lady Edelgard," Hubert corrected him.</p><p>"Yes, yes," Ferdinand brushed Hubert's hand away from over his mouth and continued talking quietly. "But why are you in the hedge, Hubert? Ed- Lady Edelgard surely wouldn't mind if you were to join the two of them in tea."</p><p>"Firstly, I dislike tea. Secondly, Lady Edelgard is unaware of my current whereabouts."</p><p>"But why?"</p><p>Hubert hesitated. His ankles hurt from squatting in the shrubbery for so long. "Ferdinand, can you keep a secret?"</p><p>"I cannot!" Ferdinand replied cheerily.</p><p>Scowling, Hubert decided to tell him anyway, seeing as he thought he was going to burst if he had to keep it to himself any longer. "I do not trust the professor."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"Her motives are... unclear. She and Rhea have a most unusual relationship. Some say that she was placed here by the Goddess herself. She constantly seems lost in another world," Hubert listed off each reason on his fingers. "And I do not trust her around Lady Edelgard."</p><p>Ferdinand said nothing, which was deeply unusual for him.</p><p>"I believe that she may be part of a plot hatched by Rhea to assassinate Lady Edelgard," Hubert pressed on.</p><p>Ferdinand continued to say nothing.</p><p>"And it is my duty to protect Lady Edelgard."</p><p>Rubbing his chin thoughtfully, Ferdinand turned slightly in the hedge to face Hubert as best he could. "Why would Rhea wish to assassinate Lady Edelgard?"</p><p>Hubert blanched. He had somehow forgotten that Ferdinand wasn't clued into Edelgard's plans for after graduation and hurriedly made something up on the spot.</p><p>"I believe Rhea is abusing her powers as head of the church," Hubert said smoothly. "She seems far too willing to simply assassinate anyone who doesn't wish to follow her own plans."</p><p>To Hubert's relief, Ferdinand nodded sagely. "I can see that, yes. We have had to kill an unusually high amount of our classmates' relatives this year. Although that's not to say that we usually kill our classmates' relatives. So really, just a single killing of any of our classmates' relatives is an unusual amount."</p><p>Ignoring the man babbling on next to him in the hedge, Hubert turned his attention back to the events occurring outside of the hedge. Edelgard was laughing at something that Byleth had said, presumably a joke or a comical anecdote. Their teacups were still steaming. He would most likely be here for a while.</p><p>"Hubert," Ferdinand continued. "I say this with nothing but the deepest respect for you, but isn't it a little hypocritical for you to accuse Rhea of being so willing to assassinate anyone when you threaten to kill all of us on a daily basis?"</p><p>Hubert huffed, the action causing his hair to flutter. "The difference is that I have yet to kill any of you."</p><p>"That is true," Ferdinand traced his lips with his finger. The action managed to pull Hubert's attention away from the tea party for a split second before he remembered his duty, staring intently out of the gap in the hedge. "Thank you, by the way."</p><p>"For what?"</p><p>"For not ending my life prematurely. It would be a terrible shame to die."</p><p>"Mm," Hubert responded, neither in agreement nor disagreement. "Now please leave me alone so I may conduct my research in peace."</p><p>"Oh, no," Ferdinand shuffled on his heels into a more comfortable squat next to Hubert. "We are brothers in arms now, Hubert. I will remain by your side until the bitter end."</p><p>Hubert contemplated murdering his classmate with nothing more than a branch from a hedge, but ultimately decided that committing such an act would draw a lot of unwanted attention and if Ferdinand was to be so stubborn, it would be better for Hubert to not kick up a fuss about it.</p><p>The tea party was unfolding without any particular incident. Byleth would say something, Edelgard would laugh and say something in response, and Hubert would occasionally see a flutter of emotion unfurl across the professor's face before fading back into their usual neutral expression. The moment passed far too fast for Hubert to accurately get a read on Byleth's feelings, which was greatly hindering his attempts at collecting knowledge about their potential enemy.</p><p>Well. Hubert's potential enemy. Edelgard had insisted, hand on heart, that Byleth held no ill will towards them. While she doubted that Byleth would take their side in the long run, their professor was on their side for the time being, and that was what mattered. As long as the two of them could continue to carry out their work in secret without raising any suspicions, then everything would hopefully be fine.</p><p>Regardless, Hubert was suspicious. Then again, Hubert was suspicious of everything.</p><p>Hubert suddenly became very aware of Ferdinand pressing in far too close to his side.</p><p>"Let me look," Ferdinand said, completely unaware of just how many of Hubert's nerves he was currently getting on.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Please?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"But I might be able to give you an insight into the situation that could be clouded by your own personal judgement."</p><p>Hubert cursed. Ferdinand was right. Hubert was so used to assuming that everyone was against him, having another's viewpoint could actually help him assess the current situation far more effectively.</p><p>"Fine," Hubert moved over slightly. "Be quick."</p><p>"One cannot rush the fine art of espionage," Ferdinand responded.</p><p>"One <em>will</em> rush the fine art of espionage unless one wants a dagger in one's side," Hubert bit back.</p><p>Time seemed to move agonisingly slowly with nothing to focus on. Hubert tried to focus on himself, his breathing, the position of his body, but all he really noticed was that the cramp in his calves was going to haunt him for the foreseeable future and that there were far too many bugs in just one hedge, so he focused on Ferdinand instead.</p><p>The boy somehow still looked effortlessly noble even while crouched in the dirt, one gloved hand leaning against the bulk of the hedge to steady himself and the other placed lightly on his own hip. Hubert watched the flit of his eyes as he took in the scene, analysing it, and almost marvelled over the way his legs didn't even waver once. Hubert was a little bit jealous. He'd have to work on his own core strength.</p><p>"Ah!" Ferdinand said after what seemed like ages. "Our dear professor is presenting Ede- Lady Edelgard with something!"</p><p>Hubert shoved Ferdinand out of the way so hard that the other boy hit the side of the undergrowth, rebounding back into him. They both ended up in a tangled heap on the floor, scrabbling amongst the dirt and the roots, Hubert spitting out a barrage of curses at Ferdinand.</p><p>"Hello, Hubert, Ferdinand!" said Petra Macneary from somewhere above the duo. "Are you enjoying time in the bush together?"</p><p>Seeing no other feasible option, Hubert hefted Ferdinand off him and tugged Petra into the hedge with them.</p><p>"Ah, it is getting rather cosy in here," Ferdinand remarked.</p><p>Hubert ignored him. He pressed his eye back to the gap in the hedge, realising that his own blunder had cost him the chance to see what Byleth had given Edelgard, and inwardly kicked himself for being so brash. Now he might never find out what the item was. What if the gift was a box of poisoned chocolates or a bouquet comprised of the deadliest flowers?</p><p>No. Surely Byleth would be smarter than to attempt to assassinate the future emperor of the Adrestian Empire while on so-called holy ground and surrounded by guards and the majority of the Church of Seiros.</p><p>Perhaps she was buying Edelgard's loyalty, instead? Although Hubert firmly believed that Edelgard could not be swayed from her own convictions so easily, something turned in his stomach at the idea.</p><p>"Hubert, why are you looking in the bush?" Petra asked.</p><p>"He's spying on Lady Edelgard and Byleth," Ferdinand answered.</p><p>"But why is he having need of spying?"</p><p>"It's Hubert, Petra, we don't question what he's up to."</p><p>"Hey guys!" came the voice of none other than Caspar von Bergliez. "Enjoying a fun game of hide-and-go-hedge?"</p><p>Thankfully, Ferdinand took action before Hubert could even move, and Caspar forcibly joined the group who were trying their best to remain concealed in the shrubbery. The hedge barely had space for two people, let alone four, and Ferdinand had to partially pull Hubert onto his lap in order for them all to fit.</p><p>Hubert, naturally, ignored whatever was going on around him and channelled all his attention into keeping at least one eye on the tea party.</p><p>"Ferdie, you're kinda ignoring the rules of hide-and-go-hedge," Caspar said, oblivious. "We're not all meant to hide in the same hedge."</p><p>"What is hide-and-go-hedge?" Petra asked curiously. "I am not having understanding."</p><p>"Y'know hide-and-go-seek?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Okay, so you know the game where someone counts to fifty and everyone else goes and hides?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Hide-and-go-hedge is exactly like that, but we all hide in hedges."</p><p>Petra laughed delightedly. "I have understanding!"</p><p>"Who's 'it', then, Ferdie?" Caspar continued. "Is it Edie?"</p><p>"Lady Edelgard," Hubert interrupted.</p><p>"Lady Edie?"</p><p>"Caspar-"</p><p>"We're not playing hide-and-go-hedge," Ferdinand cut in before someone wound up getting stabbed. "Hubert's up to something and we're keeping him company."</p><p>"You are all terrible at subterfuge," Hubert snapped.</p><p>"Ohhh, is this a stealth mission? I could go grab Lin, he knows some invisibility-"</p><p>Hubert attempted to clap a hand over Caspar's mouth to shut him up, but instead wound up slapping Ferdinand upside the head. Either way, he got the message across, and his companions collectively quietened down, talking about unimportant topics in hushed whispers instead.</p><p>The tea party had been going on for quite some time now. Hubert wished he could hear what they were talking about, but Byleth's behaviour at least seemed ordinary enough. He briefly wondered if he didn't have to concern himself with the motives of their professor before deciding that he was going to worry over the subject regardless.</p><p>He watched as the chairs scraped back, their occupants standing up and exchanging pleasantries before walking off in different directions.</p><p>"Hey, I found a worm!" Caspar whispered.</p><p>"That is not a worm, that is the, um, butterfly child!" Petra responded excitedly.</p><p>"A caterpillar?"</p><p>"Yes!"</p><p>A fraught note crept into Ferdinand's voice. "Caspar, that particular caterpillar wouldn't happen to be hairy, would it?"</p><p>"Yep!"</p><p>"And you're aware that hairy caterpillars are toxic, correct?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Hubert, back me up here."</p><p>"A mild irritation at best," Hubert rolled his eyes.</p><p>"A-and at worst?" Caspar sounded panicked.</p><p>"A most painful and agonising death."</p><p>"Oh no."</p><p>"Oh no, indeed."</p><p>"No, I, uh, I dropped it."</p><p>"Oh, no."</p><p>In their attempts to scramble out of the hedge without appearing too suspicious, tearing their clothes, or coming into contact with the potentially deadly caterpillar, all four of them wound up in the infirmary with a blistering rash. Manuela simply sighed at the sight of them and started preparing a topical medication without asking any questions.</p>
<hr/><p>Despite keeping a close eye on any interactions between Edelgard and Byleth, Hubert just couldn't work out what Byleth's motives were. He was also still rather itchy from his unfortunate encounter with a toxic caterpillar a few days earlier and, between the frustration of being unable to read their professor and the inability to take a step without his hives rubbing together, he was about three seconds away from snapping.</p><p>As though the Goddess sensed his rising stress levels and wished to burden him some more, Hubert was leaning against a wall in the greenhouse, watching as Edelgard and Bernadetta watered the plants together, when Ferdinand von Aegir came bounding up to him like a friendly puppy.</p><p>"Hello, Hubert!" Ferdinand greeted him warmly. Hubert could still see the remnants of the other boy's rash arching up his neck and across his jaw where Caspar had inadvertently flung the poor caterpillar right into Ferdinand's face.</p><p>"Go away," Hubert responded.</p><p>"I'm only here to deliver a message!"</p><p>"The Ferdinand von Aegir, reduced to being a mere messenger?"</p><p>"You say that like you don't carry messages for her Ladyship all the time."</p><p>"There is a difference."</p><p>"I disagree."</p><p>"Just tell the message before I curse you back into the dawn of time," Hubert snarled.</p><p>"If it'll get rid of the terrible itchiness from this damned rash, I'll take it," Ferdinand scratched absently at his neck, pulling a face when he realised his mistake. "Byleth wishes to see you."</p><p>"Is that all?"</p><p>"Do you want me to go see if anyone else has any messages for you?"</p><p>Hubert took a moment to savour the idea of Ferdinand von Aegir being his own personal errand boy. "No, I am quite capable of receiving my own messages, thank you."</p><p>"Except for that one."</p><p>"Shut up."</p><p>Ferdinand gave him a stupidly large grin as though the two of them were sharing some sort of joke before disappearing off in the direction of the market. Hubert turned his attention to Bernadetta.</p><p>"Bernadetta," he said. "I entrust you with the task of keeping Lady Edelgard safe from harm."</p><p>Bernadetta let out a short high-pitched scream, which Hubert took to mean that she had received his message loud and clear.</p>
<hr/><p>While the walk from the greenhouse to the classroom was fairly short, Hubert's entire body was begging for the sweet release of death after the friction of his clothes against his inflamed skin ignited the worst burning sensation he'd ever felt in his life.</p><p>As such, when he turned the corner into the Black Eagles' classroom, he barked out an extremely blunt "What?" to Byleth and left it at that.</p><p>"You look like you're in pain," Byleth stated the obvious.</p><p>Hubert felt a bead of sweat trickle unpleasantly down his neck. "Yes."</p><p>"Is is the caterpillar rash? Petra told me about it. She can't hold a sword right now because her hands are completely blistered," Byleth shook her head. "Caspar's a force to be reckoned with, huh?"</p><p>Truthfully, Hubert would call Caspar something more along the lines of 'a child who must be supervised at all times to avoid chaos and ruin', but 'a force to be reckoned with' would also do. "He is an idiot."</p><p>"Don't talk about your classmates like that."</p><p>"My classmates are also idiots."</p><p>Byleth mused for a moment, tenting her fingers together. "So you're calling Edelgard an idiot?"</p><p>Hubert recoiled. "I would never!"</p><p>"You just did."</p><p>"You did that intentionally," Hubert seethed.</p><p>"I needed a little bit of blackmail," Byleth admitted. "Come in, there's something I have to ask you."</p><p>Hubert stepped into the classroom fully, pushing the doors shut behind him and making his way over to the professor's desk. He was unsure what Byleth would want of him. Maybe a covert stabbing operation?</p><p>"What," Byleth leaned back in their chair, fixing Hubert with a somehow both blank and piercing gaze. "Is Edelgard's favourite kind of gift?"</p><p>Taken aback by the strange nature of the question, Hubert forgot how to speak, frowning deeply instead. Byleth watched him.</p><p>"Why would you wish to know that?" Hubert finally managed.</p><p>"I want to get to know my students."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Byleth's eyes narrowed slightly. "Are you suspicious of me, Hubert?"</p><p>The reply slipped out before Hubert had a chance to think about it. "Yes."</p><p>"That's understandable," Byleth's expression relaxed, a smile gracing her face. "You're right to be suspicious."</p><p>Hubert's frown somehow grew more pronounced.</p><p>"I mean, I got this job through nepotism despite definitely not being qualified to teach, and Rhea keeps insisting that I'm some sort of special person, and there was that whole thing with my hair turning green..." Byleth trailed off, turning to look out of the classroom's window. "My life is a strange series of convenient coincidences."</p><p>The professor's words did not put Hubert's concerns to rest, so he lied through his teeth. "I couldn't have put it better myself."</p><p>Byleth laughed. "Just trust me when I say that I hold no ill intention towards any of my students, at least."</p><p>"At least?"</p><p>"Mm," Byleth didn't elaborate. "Now. Edelgard's favourite gifts. Tell me what you know."</p><p>Hubert carefully divulged what Edelgard appreciated - board games, carnations, perhaps even an armoured bear stuffy if Byleth believed she was on good enough terms with Edelgard - and also mentioned things to avoid, such as any references to the Goddess and ceremonial swords.</p><p>"Alright, and how do I know that you didn't just tell me a whole bunch of lies?"</p><p>"You believe that I would wish to see my lady upset?"</p><p>"Good point," Byleth clicked her tongue. "Alright. That's all. Remember to do your homework."</p><p>"You have not assigned us any homework."</p><p>"Well, remember to eat your greens, then."</p><p>Hubert politely excused himself and backed out of the classroom before Byleth could head off on a tangent about healthy eating.</p>
<hr/><p>Later that evening, Hubert was quietly studying in the library by himself in an attempt to take his mind off the terrible stinging sensation caused by his rash for at least five minutes, when the irrepressibly annoying Ferdinand von Aegir slid into the seat next to him.</p><p>"Hello, Hubert," Ferdinand greeted him.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Do you not wish to study with me?"</p><p>"I wish to study alone."</p><p>"But studying is so much more fun in the company of others!"</p><p>Hubert fixed Ferdinand with a stare that could melt glass. "Do you wish to learn about the technical workings of Miasma Delta?"</p><p>"Ah, well, no," Ferdinand fiddled with his sleeves. "But I could certainly give it a try!"</p><p>"No, you could not. Now leave me alone."</p><p>"But Hubie, I heard some particularly interesting gossip about our dear professor and a certain Lady Edelgard..."</p><p>Hubert snorted, intentionally ignoring Ferdinand's use of a nickname for him. "You sound like Dorothea."</p><p>"Well, she was the one who told me about it."</p><p>"So you expect it to be true?"</p><p>"Yes. Dorothea's smart."</p><p>He had a point. "Very well. What is it?"</p><p>"I heard that a certain professor may or may not be enamoured with Lady Edelgard."</p><p>"That would be a breach of ethics."</p><p>Ferdinand let out a decidedly raucous laugh, earning him an angry hushing from the librarian. "Ah, Hubert, you say that as if our final exam each month doesn't involve us killing someone."</p><p>"Us committing murder on a monthly basis has little to no impact on the questionable ethics behind a student/teacher relationship."</p><p>"Ah, but Hubert, my dearest," Ferdinand's eyes sparkled. "You seem to be forgetting that our Lady Edelgard also seems to be rather smitten with the teacher herself."</p><p>If Hubert had been holding something, he would have dropped it. "What?"</p><p>"Have you not noticed the way they act around each other? The way that Edelg- Lady Edelgard is so receptive to Byleth's presence?"</p><p>"She is simply a student trying to show her appreciation for a teacher."</p><p>"Come now, you don't believe that the two of you spent hours in the market as Edelgard pored over a gift for Byleth just because she thinks that she's a good teacher?"</p><p>"What are you trying to imply, Ferdinand?"</p><p>"I'm saying that your distrust in the professor is misplaced, but not for the reasons you think."</p><p>Hubert shook his head. "You are a fool, Ferdinand von Aegir."</p><p>"Ah, Hubert, you'll understand one day," Ferdinand grinned. "Perhaps when you are in love yourself?"</p><p>In one swift motion, Hubert slammed his book shut and launched it in Ferdinand's direction. Ferdinand, honed by years of having to act quickly while riding a horse, tactfully ducked, causing the book to go flying into the face of some poor Garreg Mach student.</p><p>The two of them were banned from the library for a month.</p>
<hr/><p>The five years between their impromptu graduation and Byleth's miraculous return from the not-so-dead were long and arduous, but at least Hubert hadn't had to worry about the possibility of their professor betraying and/or making a move on the emperor of the Adrestian Empire.</p><p>Until now, that was.</p><p>"Hubert," Byleth smiled at him. "I see you still distrust me."</p><p>"Naturally," he replied.</p><p>"Even though I've been sleeping for the last five years?"</p><p>"That only gives me more reason to not trust you. No person should be capable of sleeping for so long, unless that person is Linhardt."</p><p>"Maybe I was just channelling Linhardt's energy for five years."</p><p>"Please give it back," Linhardt interrupted with a yawn. "I don't remember the last time I slept well."</p><p>"You can sleep for as long as you like once the war is over," Hubert replied sternly.</p><p>"Mm, that was almost a compliment."</p><p>"Tch," Hubert huffed in disgust. "Byleth, welcome back. I will be keeping a close eye on you."</p><p>Cape billowing in a sudden ominous wind, Hubert strode away in search of Edelgard. While the forces of nature had not been kind to Garreg Mach Monastery in their five year absence, the Black Eagles had nonetheless made the area suitable for habitation, with the less structurally sound parts of the grounds being left to crumble into dust. Hubert spent most of his time in these places. Nobody in their right mind tried to occupy them, making them an excellent space for both planning and scheming.</p><p>He predictably found Edelgard in her study, Ferdinand at her side and a map covered in markings between the two of them.</p><p>"We cannot afford a surprise attack," Edelgard said. "We would be outnumbered."</p><p>Ferdinand hummed. "Perhaps if we had a catapult..."</p><p>"Would you be willing to volunteer yourself to be catapulted into the fray?" Edelgard gave Ferdinand a thin but friendly smile. She looked tired. She always looked tired. "Ah, Hubert, welcome back. Is Prof- is Byleth settling in?"</p><p>"Yes," Hubert replied.</p><p>"So you've already given her your customary threat-poorly-disguised-as-a-greeting, then?"</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"Hubert," Ferdinand piped up. "Convince her Ladyship to let us get a catapult."</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Well, I tried," Ferdinand shrugged. "What if we lured them towards the thinner trails near the peak?"</p><p>"That would require us having a strong flying formation," Edelgard sighed. "Unless we could cut them off here and here-"</p><p>"Hubert knows Warp, so he could warp both Lorenz and I in to cut them off at both sides!" Ferdinand cleared his throat. "Theoretically, of course."</p><p>Edelgard paused, tracing the map thoughtfully with the soft end of her quill. "Hubert, can you teleport horses?"</p>
<hr/><p>Hubert was spending one of his rare free mornings in a ruined building that had once been a smaller chapel on the outskirts of the monastery grounds, savouring a cup of his favourite coffee and writing up a classified report regarding Byleth's latest suspicious actions, when Ferdinand waltzed into view.</p><p>"Hubert!" Ferdinand said blithely. "What is my favourite mage up to today?"</p><p>"I believe Linhardt is most likely sleeping," Hubert replied, not looking up from his parchment.</p><p>"Lin is my favourite healer, Hubert. You are my favourite mage."</p><p>"Thank you for specifying."</p><p>Ferdinand seated himself on the wall next to Hubert. "You don't sound particularly grateful."</p><p>Choosing not to dignify that with a response, Hubert kept his head down, the sound of his quill scratching on the paper the only sound between them. To his surprise and irritation, Ferdinand seemed perfectly content to sit quietly next to him.</p><p>"What do you want?" Hubert eventually snapped.</p><p>"Can I not indulge in your company?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"I am busy."</p><p>"Doing what?"</p><p>His quill stilling, Hubert hesitated. "That is classified."</p><p>"It doesn't look classified to me," Ferdinand craned his neck. "If anything, it seems to me that you're just compiling a list of times Byleth tried to win over Lady Edelgard's heart."</p><p>Hubert indignantly rolled the scroll back up, ignoring the fact that the still-wet ink would cause a lot of problems for him in the near future. "And you are the expert on winning hearts?"</p><p>He regretted saying the words before he'd even finished speaking them. Of course Ferdinand von Aegir was an expert on winning hearts. Hubert could name perhaps three people who weren't in love with him, and that was because those people were women who loved women.</p><p>"I'm unsure," Ferdinand replied, his face suddenly far closer to Hubert's than was surely necessary. "Have I won your heart, Hubert von Vestra?"</p><p>Hubert's brain shot past every potential rational response and went straight into survival mode. Instinctively, Hubert hit Ferdinand over the head with the rolled-up scroll.</p><p>"I'll take that as a yes," Ferdinand sat back, grinning like a cat that got the cream. "Would you perhaps care for an explanation of each of Byleth's actions from yours truly, the expert of winning hearts?"</p><p>Groaning, Hubert unwound the scroll. "Start from the top. Only stop when I tell you to."</p><p>"Well, firstly, people give other people presents when they appreciate their presence in their life or are grateful for things that have been done for them," Ferdinand ran his index finger over the smudged ink. "Not usually as an attempt to poison them."</p><p>"Nonsense. I have sent plenty of poisoned gifts in my time."</p><p>"That is because you are you, Hubert," Ferdinand's fraught tone belied the wide smile on his face. "If you were to send me a bouquet of flowers, would you poison them?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Exactly, because you love me, just as Byleth loves Edelgard."</p><p>Hearing the words coming from someone else's mouth somehow made them the concept more tangible, more concrete, more real. A knot in Hubert's chest loosened, and he wasn't sure if it was his distrust of Byleth fading or his love for Ferdinand blooming. "And you are so sure that I love you?"</p><p>"Well," Ferdinand sat back on the wall, eyes aimed towards the sky in thought. "You have yet to poison or curse me, which is rather nice of you."</p><p>Hubert snorted. "That proves very little."</p><p>"I feel if I were to kiss you now, you would not protest."</p><p>It was true. "If you knocked over my ink bottle in the act of doing so, I would protest."</p><p>Ferdinand picked up Hubert's ink bottle and intentionally moved it over to a further part of the wall, leaving nothing between them. "Is that better?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"So I can kiss you now without you protesting?"</p><p>"You may."</p><p>Ferdinand shuffled softly over the brickwork, closing the gap between them and bringing his lips to meet Hubert's. The kiss was gentle.</p><p>Reaching up with a gloved hand, Ferdinand tenderly cupped Hubert's jaw. Hubert mirrored the action, allowing his fingers to trail down the light silver traces of faded scars from that one caterpillar-related incident all those years ago. The skin was raised where the rash had once ravaged Ferdinand's freckled complexion and Hubert moved to remove his own gloves so he could trace it with his fingertips.</p><p>Ferdinand laughed against his lips. "That tickles, Hubert."</p><p>"Silence. I'm examining you."</p><p>Hubert's hand drifted lower, fingers dipping under the curve of Ferdinand's collar to follow the scar even further. Ferdinand pressed another kiss to Hubert's lips, quickly followed by another on the tip of his nose, one on the edge of his cheekbone, and Hubert found himself buried under a flurry of excited kisses.</p><p>Not one to be outdone, Hubert responded in kind, dipping his head to kiss at Ferdinand's earlobe, down his neck, across his exposed collarbone, and Ferdinand let out a laugh that rebounded around the ruins.</p><p>"Oh my, Hubert," Ferdinand breathed into Hubert's hair. "In public?"</p><p>Hubert pulled back. "Shall we move to somewhere more private?"</p><p>"Where did you have in mind?"</p><p>"My study, perhaps?"</p><p>"Oh, Hub-"</p><p>"-as you still need to explain half of this list to me," Hubert ruined the moment by holding up his notes.</p><p>Ever the optimist, Ferdinand stood up, extending his hand to the other man. "Shall we away for further study?"</p>
<hr/><p>"I can't believe we won an entire war because we weaponised some caterpillars," Dorothea mused.</p><p>"You can thank Caspar for that," Ferdinand replied, adjusting his cuff links. "Or perhaps Hubert, as if he had not pulled us into that hedge in the first place, we never would have discovered the potent toxic properties of our hairy and many-legged friends."</p><p>"I believe that if I am to be held responsible, then we should surely thank both Edelgard and Byleth for deciding to host a tea party that day," Hubert said.</p><p>Turning from where she was deftly styling elegant plaits into Edelgard's hair in front of an overly large mirror, Dorothea beamed at Hubert. "That's perfect! Put that in your best man speech, Hubie!"</p><p>Hubert scoffed. "My speech has been rewritten to the highest quality, Dorothea. I cannot ruin the flow of my writing to thank some caterpillars and tea."</p><p>"It's alright, Hubert," Edelgard smiled at him in the mirror's reflection. "I accept the sentiment."</p><p>"Thank you, my lady."</p><p>The door to the room opened and Bernadetta dashed in, quickly shutting the door behind her.</p><p>"Hello, Bernie!" Dorothea greeted her.</p><p>"The bride's ready!" Bernadetta squeaked breathlessly. "The other bride! Not this bride! Byleth!"</p><p>"Did you run here from the other side of the castle just to tell us this?" Ferdinand asked.</p><p>Bernadetta nodded, bending over and putting both hands on her knees as she tried to get her breath back. "I-I saw a suspicious looking man and just ran."</p><p>In unison, both Ferdinand and Hubert withdrew hidden daggers from deep within their formal outfits.</p><p>"Describe him," Hubert commanded.</p><p>"H-he was tall, and had long purple hair, and a beard-"</p><p>Ferdinand sighed. "Was it Lorenz, Bernie?"</p><p>There was a long pause. "Yes."</p><p>The two men silently put their daggers back as Dorothea and Edelgard stifled a collective laugh.</p><p>"Bernadetta," Hubert said sternly. "Just because a man has facial hair doesn't mean that he's suspicious."</p><p>"Unless it's Lorenz," Dorothea cut in. "We should definitely be concerned about Lorenz with a beard."</p><p>"That does seem incredibly un-Lorenz like," Ferdinand agreed, giving Hubert a knowing smile. "Perhaps we should check out this matter together, then?"</p><p>"Indeed. It would be a great shame if our efforts of ensuring that the wedding meal isn't poisoned, that the bouquets are not composed of toxic flowers, and that there is no hidden sniper in the church simply went to waste due to us overlooking a man with suspicious facial hair," Hubert said.</p><p>"I trust that you've also ensured that the supply of wine hasn't been tampered with?" Edelgard asked.</p><p>Hubert made a strangled noise and dashed out of the room, a gleefully chuckling Ferdinand hot on his heels. The door had barely started to swing shut before the three women burst out into peals of laughter, the sounds of joy echoing down the corridors and filling the building with a warmth they hadn't truly felt in years.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I really didn't mean for the caterpillars to become such a plot point. I am also really bad at ending fics. This is an apology.</p><p>Please free to follow me on Twitter at <a href="https://twitter.com/kula3h">@kula3h</a> for Persona and FE posting! (no pressure though!)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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